Theses questions asked by this kid left me pondering and here goes the story of what left me at a standstill confused, frustrated and at a complete loss of words this is where it all began!!
In particular these questions have been bothering me a lot as to why it is so hard to get rid of bad habits and just give it all up, just why can’t I start striving towards a better future I have abundant opportunities around me. Yes it is true what I have done cannot be undone the time wasted and lost opportunities will never come back. That’s dead and gone. But at-least I should change its only getting worse day in and day out all I’m doing is losing out on what I have. Yes wrong decisions, wrong choices inevitable moments have been there but I’m supposed to be drawing myself towards the positives and let the negatives die forever and remain a non-existent entity. People have walked in and out of my life I have picked up the good and bad right now cause of the immense pressure that has built up the bad is dominating and that’s not a good sign. I have reached a state of disorderliness this is not how I used to be nor is it what I ever intended to make out of my life. The stories that I hear, the visuals that I see the things I am made to perceive and believe I just don’t like it I have lost the real me, the truth is hidden, a fake mask is what I wear and that’s precisely how I am asked to portray myself.
I don’t know how far the rituals, customs and superstitious believes hold that even if you sin forgiveness can be attained, you can be pardoned. I ask myself is it so?? Can I take a holy dip or chant or hard penance will I be forgiven ,more than the people around is my conscience ready to give up and begin anew from the left overs. Can the harm caused be reduced if so HOW?? WHAT is the cure? Is there something that can lead to permanent cure or is it just a mistaken belief system.. What is it? Can scars be healed, physically maybe but what about the mental turmoil the physiological imbalance the fickle mind is it possible for it to make a decision and stick to it or is this going to be just another lie I tell myself??